Saturday, June 17, 2006
-Dave Chappelle, impersonating Snuffy
-The Dude, "The Big Lebowski"
Snufflepagus has arrived. Snuffy, for short.
Who is this Snuffy, you ask? Well! He is only the greatest couch ever. A four-piece sectional including a recliner and a chaise seat, as it were. And he lives in my living room.
He's curvy, like a backwards J, and soft, and orange. Hence, the name. Snufflepagus. Snuffy, for short.
I got to break Snuffy in today when watching "Wonder Showzen" and "Dane Cook's Tourgasm." If you have Tivo or DVR, record those shows. Seriously. They are the funniest things on TV now. I recommend a lot of stuff, all of which is fantastic, but those two are probably the best recommendations I've made in a long time.
Little kids pretending to be the pope's corpse? Babies being praised by demons in hell? Genius.
Awesome, too. Almost as Snuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuffy Snuffy.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Jenn: I love waffles.
Pat: And they love you.
Jenn: Yeah they do!
Pat: But wait, would they love you? You eat them!
Jenn: Yeah, I think they would, because Jesus loves us even though we eat Him every Sunday.
I shit you not.
Jenn: I do love Jesus for letting us eat Him every Sunday.
And you know what's funny? She was supposed to be the D.D. tonight.
Jenn: I do love alcohol. Those crazy Baptists who don't drink alcohol clearly didn't read the part of the Bible where Jesus makes wine.
Just like we didn't read the part that says, "Thou shalt not go to gay bars."
Pat: And they love you.
Jenn: Yeah they do!
Pat: But wait, would they love you? You eat them!
Jenn: Yeah, I think they would, because Jesus loves us even though we eat Him every Sunday.
I shit you not.
Jenn: I do love Jesus for letting us eat Him every Sunday.
And you know what's funny? She was supposed to be the D.D. tonight.
Jenn: I do love alcohol. Those crazy Baptists who don't drink alcohol clearly didn't read the part of the Bible where Jesus makes wine.
Just like we didn't read the part that says, "Thou shalt not go to gay bars."
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Newspaper people are weird in that they will know of cities and towns that won't register on a lot of non-journalists' radars. What's scary is that we won't know much about the town but we will know the town's paper and possibly it's circulation size.
Example involving a friend:
Friend: So, where are you from?
Random guy: Alabama.
Friend: Oh yeah? Whereabouts?
Random guy: You've probably never heard of it. Anniston.
Friend: Oh, OK. The Star, right?
Random guy: (slightly creeped-out expression) Yes... that's right.
It's funny because it's true. I've never done that with Anniston, but I could see myself doing that. I've done that with Dothan, Ala. (The Eagle), Asbury Park (Asbury Park Press) and Williamson, Tenn. (Williamson A.M.), just to name a few. A few of those people were too drunk to be creeped out.
For many people in the newspaper industry, their resumes will include at least one of those "where's that" cities. Some people can get jobs at big name papers right out of school, but the rest of us will have stories of Waterbury, Oneonta, Grand Junction, Moorhead, Anderson, Stuart, Gainesville, Lewiston, Bluffton, Kitsap, Bend, etc. A kudos to anyone who can identify where all of those are.
Jax is much bigger than any of the cities I've mentioned above, but in a lot of ways, it's still a well-kept secret. Now, a lot of people have heard of it, yeah, but I still get people thinking I'm in Jacksonville, NC. Which is funny because a lot of people thought Myrtle Beach was in North Carolina or Florida.
Anywho, a lot of people refer to Jax as "the city they drive through" to get to more well-known places in the state: Orlando, Tampa, St. Pete, Fort Lauderdale, Miami, the Keys, etc. A lot of people don't know that Jax is the largest city in the country in terms of land boundaries. Second largest in the world. The first? Some place in Egypt.
I knew very little about Jacksonville before I moved here. I knew my friend Jenn lived here, I knew the Jaguars were the football team and I knew that Jax was about two hours south of Savannah. I knew the paper's name but I had never seen the paper before the interview. I can (probably) safely say that this blog's readers have the same knowledge of Jax, and not much more. I say that because when I said I was moving here, people could name the paper and the football team, but not much else.
Well, after two months of living in one of the Southeast's best-kept secrets, I can report on some of what makes this place tick. Grab on to your hats, sports fans.
Stuff to know when you come to visit me in Florida (and you know you want to)
*There are Old Wave/Retro dance nights just about every night. Not at the same clubs, of course, but they are there.
*The Jacksonville dance is more or less the dance you see when you go into a bar or club and only a few people are dancing, and none of them with the others. The Jacksonville dance is a solo endeavor, one in which you face the walls and shake your arms. Partly like you're Edie Brickell, partly like you're having a seizure.
*Jacksonville has an Australian rules semi-pro rugby team. I'm going to a game tonight. It will be the first time in my life that I've gone to a rugby game that I was not covering.
*Gas stations and grocery stores are pretty spread out from each other, which is to be expected in the largest city in the country. But it's also a pain in the ass.
*The "95" in Interstate 95 also doubles as the average speed limit on said highway. This is by no means exclusive to Jacksonville. It can be said of any part of 95 in North Carolina or south of South Carolina.
*No matter where you are, there are about two construction projects within a half-mile radius.
*I've seen more alterna-indie types than I've seen yuppies. Maybe it's because I hang out with jaded newsies and foul-mouthed teachers, but I have yet to go to a place where I've felt in the minority. Again, I hang out with divas, queens and moes, so that could be a factor.
*Parts of Jacksonville are very Jewish-friendly. I've seen both lox and challah bread on a few menus, as well as advertisements for kosher food.
*The panhandlers are not nearly as creative as the ones in St. Louis.
*The midwest and the northeast are home to the best pizzas ever, and there's no real "Southern" style, but Jacksonville has several (5+) good pizza places.
*Jacksonville is the only place outside of Ireland where I've seen Murphy's Stout. On tap.
*Jax also has Strongbow. On tap.
*There are geckos. Everywhere. Sometimes dead ones. In your washing mashine.
*If you don't have covered parking, your car will be an oven. And it will mess up your digital camera.
*For some reason, you have to have Florida-based insurance to get Florida plates.
*Jax has a radio station which plays mainly 80s music with some late 70s and early 90s thrown in the mix. I was excited at first but I hear a lot of Def Leppard and Bon Jovi. They cycle through the same songs over and over, but that's OK, because it means I get to hear a lot of Madonna, Joan Jett and Stevie Nicks.
*Yellowcard, Fred Durst and Lynyrd Skynyrd are all from Jacksonville.
*John Travolta filmed "Lonely Hearts" here with James Gandolfini and Selma Hayek. Selma Hayek was apparently a big bitch and her boobs appeared smaller in person. So I've been told.
*There's a huge Maxwell House brewery downtown, so I smell coffee everyday on my way to work. I mean, I smell coffee everyday as is, but I also get to smell coffee that I am not drinking, too.
*My neighborhood has a square in its center with a fountain surrounded by lion statues. Sometimes the kids from the arts magnet school will put leis on the lions and foam in the fountain.
*"What's your team?" really means, "Do you support the (UF) Gators or the (FSU) Seminoles?" Whether you went to either of those schools or even give a shit is, well, not relevant.
*There are Steak n' Shakes here!
*I've been told that it is illegal to distribute or sell 40s in the state. Which sucks if you want to buy a 40 or two to play Edward 40-hands. You'd have to go to Georgia.
*And Georgia's only 30ish miles to the north!
So now you know.
Example involving a friend:
Friend: So, where are you from?
Random guy: Alabama.
Friend: Oh yeah? Whereabouts?
Random guy: You've probably never heard of it. Anniston.
Friend: Oh, OK. The Star, right?
Random guy: (slightly creeped-out expression) Yes... that's right.
It's funny because it's true. I've never done that with Anniston, but I could see myself doing that. I've done that with Dothan, Ala. (The Eagle), Asbury Park (Asbury Park Press) and Williamson, Tenn. (Williamson A.M.), just to name a few. A few of those people were too drunk to be creeped out.
For many people in the newspaper industry, their resumes will include at least one of those "where's that" cities. Some people can get jobs at big name papers right out of school, but the rest of us will have stories of Waterbury, Oneonta, Grand Junction, Moorhead, Anderson, Stuart, Gainesville, Lewiston, Bluffton, Kitsap, Bend, etc. A kudos to anyone who can identify where all of those are.
Jax is much bigger than any of the cities I've mentioned above, but in a lot of ways, it's still a well-kept secret. Now, a lot of people have heard of it, yeah, but I still get people thinking I'm in Jacksonville, NC. Which is funny because a lot of people thought Myrtle Beach was in North Carolina or Florida.
Anywho, a lot of people refer to Jax as "the city they drive through" to get to more well-known places in the state: Orlando, Tampa, St. Pete, Fort Lauderdale, Miami, the Keys, etc. A lot of people don't know that Jax is the largest city in the country in terms of land boundaries. Second largest in the world. The first? Some place in Egypt.
I knew very little about Jacksonville before I moved here. I knew my friend Jenn lived here, I knew the Jaguars were the football team and I knew that Jax was about two hours south of Savannah. I knew the paper's name but I had never seen the paper before the interview. I can (probably) safely say that this blog's readers have the same knowledge of Jax, and not much more. I say that because when I said I was moving here, people could name the paper and the football team, but not much else.
Well, after two months of living in one of the Southeast's best-kept secrets, I can report on some of what makes this place tick. Grab on to your hats, sports fans.
*There are Old Wave/Retro dance nights just about every night. Not at the same clubs, of course, but they are there.
*The Jacksonville dance is more or less the dance you see when you go into a bar or club and only a few people are dancing, and none of them with the others. The Jacksonville dance is a solo endeavor, one in which you face the walls and shake your arms. Partly like you're Edie Brickell, partly like you're having a seizure.
*Jacksonville has an Australian rules semi-pro rugby team. I'm going to a game tonight. It will be the first time in my life that I've gone to a rugby game that I was not covering.
*Gas stations and grocery stores are pretty spread out from each other, which is to be expected in the largest city in the country. But it's also a pain in the ass.
*The "95" in Interstate 95 also doubles as the average speed limit on said highway. This is by no means exclusive to Jacksonville. It can be said of any part of 95 in North Carolina or south of South Carolina.
*No matter where you are, there are about two construction projects within a half-mile radius.
*I've seen more alterna-indie types than I've seen yuppies. Maybe it's because I hang out with jaded newsies and foul-mouthed teachers, but I have yet to go to a place where I've felt in the minority. Again, I hang out with divas, queens and moes, so that could be a factor.
*Parts of Jacksonville are very Jewish-friendly. I've seen both lox and challah bread on a few menus, as well as advertisements for kosher food.
*The panhandlers are not nearly as creative as the ones in St. Louis.
*The midwest and the northeast are home to the best pizzas ever, and there's no real "Southern" style, but Jacksonville has several (5+) good pizza places.
*Jacksonville is the only place outside of Ireland where I've seen Murphy's Stout. On tap.
*Jax also has Strongbow. On tap.
*There are geckos. Everywhere. Sometimes dead ones. In your washing mashine.
*If you don't have covered parking, your car will be an oven. And it will mess up your digital camera.
*For some reason, you have to have Florida-based insurance to get Florida plates.
*Jax has a radio station which plays mainly 80s music with some late 70s and early 90s thrown in the mix. I was excited at first but I hear a lot of Def Leppard and Bon Jovi. They cycle through the same songs over and over, but that's OK, because it means I get to hear a lot of Madonna, Joan Jett and Stevie Nicks.
*Yellowcard, Fred Durst and Lynyrd Skynyrd are all from Jacksonville.
*John Travolta filmed "Lonely Hearts" here with James Gandolfini and Selma Hayek. Selma Hayek was apparently a big bitch and her boobs appeared smaller in person. So I've been told.
*There's a huge Maxwell House brewery downtown, so I smell coffee everyday on my way to work. I mean, I smell coffee everyday as is, but I also get to smell coffee that I am not drinking, too.
*My neighborhood has a square in its center with a fountain surrounded by lion statues. Sometimes the kids from the arts magnet school will put leis on the lions and foam in the fountain.
*"What's your team?" really means, "Do you support the (UF) Gators or the (FSU) Seminoles?" Whether you went to either of those schools or even give a shit is, well, not relevant.
*There are Steak n' Shakes here!
*I've been told that it is illegal to distribute or sell 40s in the state. Which sucks if you want to buy a 40 or two to play Edward 40-hands. You'd have to go to Georgia.
*And Georgia's only 30ish miles to the north!
So now you know.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
ST. LOUIS -- It's good to be back.
Reasons to miss St. Louis
*Being around people to whom you don't have to explain back stories
*Imo's
*Schlafly
*The Cardinals get priority over any other game on TV
*Toasted ravioli
*Salads with pepperoni and salami
*Good pasta-based dishes
*Ted Drewe's
*The Loop
*Lion's Choice
*Hearing The Urge on the radio
*The Missouri, Mississippi and Meramec Rivers are pretty
Reasons to not miss St. Louis
*You don't have to be associated with who you were when you were growing up and you don't have to tell people where you went to high school because people in other cities don't really give a shit
*St. Louis doesn't have Yuengling
*St. Louis doesn't have Sticky Fingers
*No beach!
*No ocean!
*Snow and ice
*St. Louis gets cold
*Archbishop Raymond Burke
*The Blunts
*The Mississippi River is so dirty you could get an STD just by looking at it
*You can put The Urge on a CD and hear the song you want to hear and get to hear it without the cuss words bleeped out
*St. Louis is not two hours from Savannah
*St. Louis is not two hours from Disney World
*St. Louis' 80s station plays 90s crap
*The Loop parking is redonkulous
*St. Louis' 80s dance nights are more or less at cheesy bars such as Have A Nice Day Cafe
*St. Louis traffic can be slower than a Stanley Kubrick movie
*Missouri voters passed a ban on same-sex marriage
*St. Louis' downtown is only a slight bit more lively than a coma patient
*I hate hockey
Great to be back. To visit.
Dan: going to catch any of the cubs-cards games?
Pat: unfortunately, no, but I will be driving by them
Pat: I'm in town for a wedding
Dan: well, don't curse my boys too loudly =)
Pat: I don't curse them, actually
Pat: I like them when we're not playing them
Pat: Kinda like SLU or Iowa
Dan: i feel the same about the cards, actually
Pat: It's the Braves and the Royals I hate all time
Dan: haha
Dan: like the Cowboys for me
Pat: I would drive a Royals player to the hospital, of course, I'm not heartless, but I would not want to talk to him
Dan: haha
Dan: of course, hating the royals is like being mean to a disabled kid
Pat: But it's a disabled kid who used to be the big jock on campus and who told hate jokes and was mean to disabled kids
Pat: and then after going to a kegger and drinking too much, he got drunk and drove into a ditch, and now he's disabled
Pat: that's the Royals... used to be the big kid, now they are not
Dan: haha. fair enough
Dan: you forgot that he whines a lot
*Being around people to whom you don't have to explain back stories
*Imo's
*Schlafly
*The Cardinals get priority over any other game on TV
*Toasted ravioli
*Salads with pepperoni and salami
*Good pasta-based dishes
*Ted Drewe's
*The Loop
*Lion's Choice
*Hearing The Urge on the radio
*The Missouri, Mississippi and Meramec Rivers are pretty
*You don't have to be associated with who you were when you were growing up and you don't have to tell people where you went to high school because people in other cities don't really give a shit
*St. Louis doesn't have Yuengling
*St. Louis doesn't have Sticky Fingers
*No beach!
*No ocean!
*Snow and ice
*St. Louis gets cold
*Archbishop Raymond Burke
*The Blunts
*The Mississippi River is so dirty you could get an STD just by looking at it
*You can put The Urge on a CD and hear the song you want to hear and get to hear it without the cuss words bleeped out
*St. Louis is not two hours from Savannah
*St. Louis is not two hours from Disney World
*St. Louis' 80s station plays 90s crap
*The Loop parking is redonkulous
*St. Louis' 80s dance nights are more or less at cheesy bars such as Have A Nice Day Cafe
*St. Louis traffic can be slower than a Stanley Kubrick movie
*Missouri voters passed a ban on same-sex marriage
*St. Louis' downtown is only a slight bit more lively than a coma patient
*I hate hockey
Great to be back. To visit.
Dan: going to catch any of the cubs-cards games?
Pat: unfortunately, no, but I will be driving by them
Pat: I'm in town for a wedding
Dan: well, don't curse my boys too loudly =)
Pat: I don't curse them, actually
Pat: I like them when we're not playing them
Pat: Kinda like SLU or Iowa
Dan: i feel the same about the cards, actually
Pat: It's the Braves and the Royals I hate all time
Dan: haha
Dan: like the Cowboys for me
Pat: I would drive a Royals player to the hospital, of course, I'm not heartless, but I would not want to talk to him
Dan: haha
Dan: of course, hating the royals is like being mean to a disabled kid
Pat: But it's a disabled kid who used to be the big jock on campus and who told hate jokes and was mean to disabled kids
Pat: and then after going to a kegger and drinking too much, he got drunk and drove into a ditch, and now he's disabled
Pat: that's the Royals... used to be the big kid, now they are not
Dan: haha. fair enough
Dan: you forgot that he whines a lot
