Monday, September 26, 2005

Anybody out there using a Mac with OS X.4? You are? Great! E-mail me!

It made sense at the time, really


Pat: I had a dream that Patrick died
Pat: Killed by a kid from Maplewood
Pat: who was after Patrick's wife
Jason: when's the last time you even saw him
Jason: is patrick married?
Pat: high school
Pat: fuck if I know
Pat: He's a Facebook friend of mine but that is all I know
Jason: he's my facebook friend...from the looks of his picture, he's not married
Pat: I know nothing of his post-DeSmet life
Pat: Yeah that picture makes him look pretty single, doesn't it?
Jason: sure does
Pat: I have no idea why my brain made me dream about that
Jason: hey i dreamt that i had a poisonous snake that kept getting out of its aquarium and biting me
Jason: it was yellow and poisonous
Jason: then i went to jail

What's so funny is that the mind will construct all these weird details. Wife? Guy from Maplewood? And in the dream, I was still in high school. Or was in high school again. And then I was time-traveling to talk to kids at the high school from another era, trying to solve the crime. It was weird as shit.

And then I found five dollars.

Could it be?


I was so excited to learn that Hilary Duff had a song called "I Can't Wait" because I was hoping it would be a cover of the song by Nu Shooz. So I downloaded the song. It was an original. Thanks a lot, Hilary Duff, for getting my hopes up. You dumpster.

Maybe the song would have sounded better on a Mac. With OS X.4, even.

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Sunday, September 25, 2005

Top five favorite comedians (in no order)
Eddie Izzard
Bill Hicks
George Carlin
Eddie Murphy
Chris Rock

Disclosure:

Ever since I was a kid, I've had "comedian" on my list of dream jobs. I idolized stand-up comics as if they were rock stars and absorbed their words as if they were preachers. I was lucky enough to have cable back when Comedy Central showed mostly stand-up, and I had an ever-changing top 5 list of favorite comedians.

In college, I downloaded a lot of stand-up routines and I often put them on mix CDs I make for friends. A standard for me is Rondell Sheridan's bit about his friend Keith wanting Oreo cookies. I quote that the way some girls quote "Dirty Dancing." It's my shit.

Since joining Netflix, I've ordered a lot of stand-up specials and those tend to be my most memorable DVDs. I guess it's because those are the ones that can be dynamic and loud. Obnoxious and purposeful. Entertaining while still bopping you on the head with a point and an agenda. These aren't just jokesters or class clowns. These are satirists criticizing our social constructs. So, I kinda relate to them. Like, a lot. In the way some people relate to their favorite columnists.

At night, when I can't get to sleep and my brain is still trying to turn itself off, I cycle through things I should try to think about. My life has been pretty calm and boring lately, so it's not like I've got a lot to think about. This isn't bad. There hasn't been any big drama. I just go to work or hang out. It's at night that I process my thoughts and I picture myself on stage, delivering a stand-up spiel in the way a preacher gives a sermon.

I guess it's because I deal with tragedy in a perverse way. I treat everything with humor. Not jokes or sarcasm, per se; I just don't like for things to get so serious that people feel trapped. The pressure and tension can weigh you down. But lately I feel like the stuff I'd need release from are the things no one wants to joke about: Katrina, Rita, etc.

I guess we'll be able to find an outlet for the tension. Until then, I guess I'll recite stand-up routines in my head.

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Saturday, September 24, 2005

10 Years Ago I Was...
...In eighth grade, sitting at the lunch table with Ed, Robbie, Mike, John, Brad, Andy and Richard. Our lunch time discussions included The Presidents of the United States of America, Kurt Cobain, "Tank Girl," Scott Weiland, Pamela Anderson and the fact that our friend Robert had an elderly neighbor die, meaning that Robert found a few trash cans full of raunchy porn. Dreading gym class. Also dreading band class, as I hadn't really done a good job of practicing trumpet. Letting my ego get the best of me, leading to several stupid "fights" with Mike and Jon. Going to open houses of all the Catholic schools, though I had my mind set on SLUH... Until my dad wanted me to look at another Jesuit school, DeSmet... Being the only kid to get a perfect score on the Ladue algebra test-out exam. Making Rube Goldberg devices and mousetrap cars for science class.

5 Years Ago I Was...
...Getting dangerously close to a certain girl down the hall. Killing afternoons by making webcam videos with Josh and Jake. Going to Johnston to see KT, Jen and Ashley. Walking around campus with Lurch. Bitching that Becca wasn't calling me back. Downloading every possible Wesley Willis song. Trying to "fix" someone who could not be fixed. Going to Diner with Jake, Slaughter and Jeff Neu. Study at the library with Pius Rachel. Running up and down the halls with Josh, singing "Crimson and Clover." Excited to go back to St. Louis because there was a new 80s radio station. Glad I cut rid of my butt-cut, as I had two very attractive blondes tell me my new haircut was cute. On the same night, even.

1 Year Ago I Was...
...Making maps of Jeanne and Karl. Postponing a trip to see Brian and Wendy yet again. Watching "Good Eats" with Scott. Going to Bumstead's and Bodo's. Glad that the tourists had finally left.

Yesterday I Was...
...Working late on an illustration. Watching "Silence Of The Lambs." Listening to Annie.

5 Snacks I Enjoy:
• Blueberry muffins
• Peanut M&Ms
• Chips and salsa
• Honey-roasted peanuts
• Bread with olive oil

5 Songs I Know All the Words to:
• "Into The Groove," Madonna
• "Baby Got Back," Sir Mix-A-Lot
• "Humpty Dance," Digital Underground
• "Ooooh, It's Kinda Crazy," soulDecision
• "Bizarre Love Triangle," New Order

5 Things I Would Do With $100 Million:
• Invest
• Take my family to Europe
• Spend a year going to all the fifty states
• Self-publish a book of graphics
• Give money to grass roots urban renewal groups, disability outreach groups and research projects

5 Places I Would Run Away To:
• Savannah
• The Artisan
• Saugatuck, Michigan
• The beach
• Wherever a friend lives

5 Things I Would Never Wear:
• Cubs hat
• A "No Fear" shirt
• Bruno Magli
• A speedo
• Biker shorts

5 Favorite TV Shows:
• Desperate Housewives
• Arrested Development
• The O.C.
• Kids In The Hall
• The X-Files

5 Bad Habits:
• Buying more food than I need and then having to throw a lot of it away
• Not putting away the clean clothes
• Letting my desk/car/room get too cluttered
• Dicking around online too much
• Not having a designated place for important things

5 Biggest Joys:
• A good mix CD, whether I've made it or someone else has
• The feeling of accomplishment
• Mochas over ice
• Hearing stories about my nephew and re-telling them to Hilary
• Hearing the women from "The Queens of Comedy" say "fuh-uck" and "shiiiit"

5 Favorite Toys:
• Harvey
• My DJ P CD!
• PhotoShop 7
• A good pen with good flow
• My O-Tigers hat

5 Fictional Characters I Wish Were Alive and In My Life:
• Clarice Starling, "Silence of the Lambs"
• Yoda
• Seth Cohen, "The O.C."
• Chewbacca
• Terrance Mann, "Field of Dreams"

And Now I Tag
Well, last time I tagged people, no one took the bait. So, no one.

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Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Pat: it's talk like a pirate day!
Derek: oh shit it is about that time of year eh...YAAARRRR!!
Derek: I only knew that shit from Flat Branch
Derek: I wish I had known that earlier, I woulda been talking all day like the true swashbuckler that I am
Pat: Hell yeah
Pat: I will let it slide
Pat: You're a true pimp of the seas the rest of the year, the world will forgive you
Derek: thank you
Derek: good lad

Alas, Talk Like A Pirate Day is over, but arrrrrrrrrgh, was it fun.

Me Plus One


It's no secret I love pop, electronic beats and synthesizers. Do I like those things because they characterize the music of the '80s? Or do I like the music of the '80s because it's characterized by those traits? Who knows.

Modern bands have been making use of those traits and my friends, aware of my interests, have endorsed the new bands of choice: The Killers, The Bravery, Bloc Party, etc. They're good shit.

But I've found something else to satisfy my cravings: Annie. I think that's it. Just Annie. She's my new shit. She looks like Kylie a bit but is a lot edgier. Blonde Redhead, Tom Tom Club, Enon, Kylie in a blender. I'm a sucker for the short blonde hair. Looks like Anna from "The O.C." Pre-annoyingness.

Oh, to all of you who love The Killers: Don't take another breath before you listen to The Faint. If you haven't already. And if you like Bright Eyes AND The Killers, and you *still* haven't heard The Faint, shame on you. God will kill a kitten.

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Saturday, September 10, 2005

I was tagged. By being "it," I get to fill out this quiz!

Seven Things I Plan to Do Before I Die:
Finally go skydiving
Live west of Missouri
Work at one of my "dream" papers
Travel to every continent (except Anarctica)
Try to learn another language
Apply for a job at The New York Times
Raise a kid

Seven Things I Can Do:
*Make homemade pizza
*Perfectly fast-forward through the opening credits of "The O.C." and the hit play just in time so we don't miss anything
*Quote most of the Queens of Comedy
*Clear a dancefloor
*Remember names, details and bizarre stuff
*Mimic/imitate other people's voices and mannerisms pretty well
*Talk to strangers with ease

Seven Things I Can't Do:
*Burn a CD without the annoying two-second pause in between each track
*Manually change a photo from color to grayscale (without clicking "grayscale")
*Tolerate people who view sexuality in black and white
*Wink
*Roll my tongue
*Go one week without having coffee at least once
*Get a tan

Seven Things That Attract Me
*The ability to get excited about what you like in the way a little kid would
*A great laugh, deep and hearty
*The ability to vent and not pretend everything's perfect and ideal, but with a sense of faith and optimism
*Being close with your family (and not minding mine!)
*Enthusiasm for playlists and mix CDs
*Inability to sit still, desire to travel
*Wild imagination

Seven Things I Say the Most (Recently)
*"...is my shit."
*"Ten pounds of (...) in a five-pound bag."
*"Hot"/"Awesome"
*"..eaten by bobcats..."
*"So check THIS out..."
*"Want me to kill him/her?"
*"I don't like him/her" (spoken to Janelle, referring to certain characters on "The O.C.")

Seven Celebrities You Dream About (my all-time, top seven)
*David Duchovny
*Gillian Anderson
*Natalie Portman
*Jack Wagner
*Marilyn Manson
*Marcia Cross
*Courtney Thorne-Smith

Those are if we're talking "dream" in the sense of nocturnal episode. If we're talking in the sense of daydreams, then the list becomes:

*Bill Hicks
*Bridget Fonda
*Mischa Barton
*Chuck D
*Adam Brody
*Peter Gallagher
*Dan Savage

I thus "tag":
Katy
Ashlee
David
Kare-Bear

Hot shit.

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Monday, September 05, 2005

ST. LOUIS -- I've been back about 60 hours now, and I can say I have seen:

*The Arch
*Stan
*The Mighty Miss
*9 million new banks
*The human version of Cleveland of "Family Guy" fame

And partaken in:

*Toasted ravioli
*Steak n' Shake
*The Loop
*Central West End
*Chase Park Plaza
*Coffee Cartel
*Schlafley
*Boulevard
*Getting my ass kicked in poker by dad, aunt and uncle

Still left:
*Busch Stadium
*Imo's
*Cardinals game
*Carl's
*Kaldi's
*"I-have-no-legs"

Kate: What's this news about Busch stadium that I don't know??

There's been talk for years of tearing down Busch Stadium to make a new one. They've been building a new one just near the current one. When this current season ends, they will tear down the existing Busch Stadium and complete this next one, also to be called Busch Stadium. Thus, discussions of Busch Stadium will include, "You mean old or new?"

The Cardinals franchise auctioned off seats from the stadium. Within a day, all the seats were claimed. So when the stadium is finally torn down, those seats have a home. Two seats will be in my parents' den. Or the basement. It might work the motif my dad's always wanted down there. He's wanted to make the basement a bar. God bless that man. My hero.

"This is how we do it where I'm from"


I've been playing the new D.J.P. CD for people here and everyone who's heard it here seems to love it. You would love it, too. No excuse for not having it.

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Thursday, September 01, 2005

STL sorry, no disrespect


I'm about to go home for the first time in nine months. In that time, I could have had a kid. Luckily for me and all my family, I have not given birth. As I was not pregnant.

I've got some fun plans (Cardinal's game, seeing my aunts and uncles), but really, it's some of the more mundane stuff that I'm looking forward to doing. Having Imo's with my brother. Walking around the neighborhood with my mom. Going to 11 o'clock Mass. Eating fried chicken at the restaurant where my family ate the night before I was born. This is the stuff I miss most. When I daydream about St. Louis and long for it, it's the familiar sidewalks and roads that pull me back. The same sidewalks and roads I was willing to leave are the things I miss the most. I can't really explain it.

But fuckin' check this: I'll be going with my parents to a Cardinals-Cubs game on Monday. One of the last games ever to be played in Busch Stadium (before it gets torn down). Against the Cubs. With my parents. Who met at Stan's last game. I know. I've been worried that I'll piss myself at the game and not be able to have any dignity after the opening pitch.

For those of you who think I'm bragging, I kind of am. But this will make me very happier. Happier than a night when I could watch both "The O.C." and "Desperate Housewives." With a bottle of Yuengling and a plate of ribs. I know, I know. Anything to make me happier than a night with all those things? Fucking boss.

Have you still not checked out AudioScrobbler?


What's your damage? AudioScrobbler is the shit. It logs everything you listen to and then makes snazzy charts based on the artists and songs you listen to most. They just redesigned their site, too. Here, click that and you'll get to my profile. You'll see I've been listening to a lot of Death Cab. Because they fucking rawk.

One final rant


The aftermath of Katrina is devastating, what with the deaths, loss and opportunism, but for people to compare this hurricane to the tsunami in Asia is ludicrous and insulting. The magnitude is not really the same. It's more personal for us, sure, because it happened to people on our shores. I understand the compulsion to compare similar things (it's how I get a paycheck), but I don't think comparing this event to something with 10 times more casualties will help people in their grief. Just my thought.

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