Tuesday, May 31, 2005
So, Jake needs to know something. And it's not "what you're thinking." He does not need you to tell him what's on your mind.
That's a joke maybe one or two of you will get. Information Society. Get it? Got it? Good.
No, Jacob needs to know from any MOian person, past or present, what the standard and/or average number of words is per column in the MOian. I think that's what he needs to know. Hopefully he'll clarify that in a post. Also would could be helpful is column width, and that could help with words per inch, maybe. Anywho, I'll let Jake go into details.
Janelle's parents are indeed in town. My liver is actually doing much better than I thought. Hurrah for self control. More details to come. But her dad loves Kool and the Gang, which I think is pretty cool. Fresh. Maybe he and I will start our own gang. Which would be cool. I'd use a bo staff, maybe. That would be hot. And "Fresh."
Sunday, May 29, 2005
As she takes on half the world..."
Happy Birthday.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Marcia Cross was in my dream last night. For those of you normal, well-adjusted readers (all two of you), Marcia Cross is on "Desperate Housewives" and was also on "Melrose Place." Granted, the dream wasn't about her, but it still featured her, like in a guest star capacity.
--Bartleby, "Dogma"
Um, here is something I posted on this blog on March 31, about Jessica Sierra getting eliminated on "American Idol":
She hasn't outsung Carrie, of course, but that's OK, because Carrie should win that competition. She should win, and I'm not just saying that because Simon said she'd win and outsell all the previous winners.
But that's OK, because Carrie wants to be "Inside Your Heaven." I know, I know, they made Kelly and Ruben record shit songs, too. This one is growing on me, though. I just wish the chorus had more rhyme-able words in it, thus making it easy on me and Janelle when singing on the couch.
Friday, May 27, 2005
I really feel low and ashamed right now, because for the past hour, I sat in front of the TV making faces at Britney and Kevin. "Chaotic" is the television equivalent of a train wreck, the FCC-approved version of horror porn. It's something you shouldn't watch and you know you shouldn't watch it, not because of the naughty factor but because it kills brain cells at an exponential rate. At the end of the show, you're talking in a southern accent, sticking your finger up your nose and asking strangers about sex.
Of course, that's all in a day's work for me, so it's not too much outside of my comfort zone.
Explaining why this show is awful would be like explaining why racism is morally wrong. If you need an explanation, then you really just don't grasp the concept in the first place.
And yet, despite my knowledge that this was going to be shit, despite my better judgment, I allowed myself to get sucked in. Maybe it's because Janelle called me in to watch it. There could be a reality show called "I'm Taking A Dump" and we'd find a way to make a night of it. But this really was awful.
I guess there are very few classy celebrites left. Marilyn Monroe was no class act, either, but she was at least a step above this shit. Whatever happened to the dignified celebrity ladies? Katharine? Audrey? Greta? Those ladies were certainly not "innocent," but they could articulate and they didn't fart on themselves for fun.
Of course, Jackie's mom does that and she's not so bad, is she?
Friday, May 20, 2005
I try to not be an asshole. Thus, I thought I would try to refrain from any posts on "Star Wars," lest I give away spoilers or bore the people who have never seen one of the movies.
Thing is, I lead a boring life, and so I don't really have much to post on this blog. I recently did a post of funny sentences, or else that would be a great thing to post. I can't do that every week, though I certainly do have the material for it.
So, I'll probably have to do some sort of "Star Wars" post. Don't worry, I'll include its Christian symbolism, Buddhist imagery, Third Reich euphemisms and its thinly veiled portrayals of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.
For now, though, I will buy more time to think of a good post by posting....
10 Things You Never Knew About Me***
(besides that I like stealing things from Erica)
1. When I was five, my friends and I played pet store with our stuffed animals. My brothers and his friends came in my room to "rob" the pet store. Terrified, I called 9-1-1 and screamed, "They're stealing our pets!!" Needless to say, I was not allowed to use the telephone for a while after that episode.
2. In third grade, I wrote then-Governor Ashcroft a letter saying that Missouri public schools should not adopt a year-round school schedule. I must have made quite an impression on him, as he did not institute that schedule.
3. Inspired by "Mad Magazine" and "Cracked," my friend Ned and I decided to make our own magazine in the same vein. We made a list of potential articles and I even worked on a doubletruck: "What Barney Does In His Spare Time." It included him eating kids, wearing ladies' underpants and working as a phone-sex operator.
4. I was 16 when I first got glasses. That puts me at being the oldest anyone in my family was when they got glasses. Everyone else got them way earlier. My dad and my nephew might be tied for the soonest.
5. I grew up liking Madonna. That's not what you didn't know about me. What you didn't know is that I always skip past "Like A Prayer." What you also might have not known is that more people tell me "I just heard that song and thought of you" about that song than any other song.
6. When my friends and I used to frequent Denny's, my trademark meal was a sampler platter, with fries instead of onion rings. After a while, Lurch and Jill would also get it, and so it became known as "the Pat special."
7. My brothers were big "Star Wars" fans and I grew up surrounded by the toys and comic books, but I don't think I actually saw the original movie until I was 12.
8. Not only was I in the Cub Scouts, I was also a Boy Scout. I was a merit badge or two into working toward Star badge when I finally quit.
9. I loathe the music of Dave Matthews. More than I can put into words. Gavin DeGraw and Maroon 5 are soon reaching that same plateau. That being said, I will admit that I put a Dave Matthews song on one of Courtney's soundtracks.
10. I became friends with Lurch in 11th grade, when we initially bonded over our trouble with girls. It didn't take long for us to realize we were talking about the same girl.
***Chances are, you knew at least one of these things, as I drone on and on. Of course, you might have been one of the smarter ones who just tuned me out.
Thing is, I lead a boring life, and so I don't really have much to post on this blog. I recently did a post of funny sentences, or else that would be a great thing to post. I can't do that every week, though I certainly do have the material for it.
So, I'll probably have to do some sort of "Star Wars" post. Don't worry, I'll include its Christian symbolism, Buddhist imagery, Third Reich euphemisms and its thinly veiled portrayals of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.
For now, though, I will buy more time to think of a good post by posting....
(besides that I like stealing things from Erica)
1. When I was five, my friends and I played pet store with our stuffed animals. My brothers and his friends came in my room to "rob" the pet store. Terrified, I called 9-1-1 and screamed, "They're stealing our pets!!" Needless to say, I was not allowed to use the telephone for a while after that episode.
2. In third grade, I wrote then-Governor Ashcroft a letter saying that Missouri public schools should not adopt a year-round school schedule. I must have made quite an impression on him, as he did not institute that schedule.
3. Inspired by "Mad Magazine" and "Cracked," my friend Ned and I decided to make our own magazine in the same vein. We made a list of potential articles and I even worked on a doubletruck: "What Barney Does In His Spare Time." It included him eating kids, wearing ladies' underpants and working as a phone-sex operator.
4. I was 16 when I first got glasses. That puts me at being the oldest anyone in my family was when they got glasses. Everyone else got them way earlier. My dad and my nephew might be tied for the soonest.
5. I grew up liking Madonna. That's not what you didn't know about me. What you didn't know is that I always skip past "Like A Prayer." What you also might have not known is that more people tell me "I just heard that song and thought of you" about that song than any other song.
6. When my friends and I used to frequent Denny's, my trademark meal was a sampler platter, with fries instead of onion rings. After a while, Lurch and Jill would also get it, and so it became known as "the Pat special."
7. My brothers were big "Star Wars" fans and I grew up surrounded by the toys and comic books, but I don't think I actually saw the original movie until I was 12.
8. Not only was I in the Cub Scouts, I was also a Boy Scout. I was a merit badge or two into working toward Star badge when I finally quit.
9. I loathe the music of Dave Matthews. More than I can put into words. Gavin DeGraw and Maroon 5 are soon reaching that same plateau. That being said, I will admit that I put a Dave Matthews song on one of Courtney's soundtracks.
10. I became friends with Lurch in 11th grade, when we initially bonded over our trouble with girls. It didn't take long for us to realize we were talking about the same girl.
***Chances are, you knew at least one of these things, as I drone on and on. Of course, you might have been one of the smarter ones who just tuned me out.
Monday, May 16, 2005
To my way of thinking
In fact, she'll often disagree..."
As a romantic who tries to pretend he's a logic-oriented realist, I must refer you to a post on KJ's blog. It's simple, and only takes up a paragraph or so, but my goodness, it speaks volumes.
-"Blue Collar Comedy Tour"
It is "bike week" here now. Bike "week" being until the end of the month, as there are two rallies. I've seen more grannies on the back of Harleys than I thought possible. I thought about renting "Pee Wee's Big Adventure" this week just for the scenes with the Satan's Helper's. I met a Hell's Angel the other night but he seemed neither hellish nor angelic. More purgatory-esque.
Anywho, we get to hear lots of motors and engines revving up, at all hours of the day. Janelle could do without it, but I'm still the doe-eyed newbie who thinks it's kinda cool.
Apparently I still have a lot to see. I am told that I haven't experienced bike week until I see a big butt wrap around a bike seat. I'm not sure I need to see that, but then again, I'm an adventurous guy and I'll try anything once.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Tidbits:
1. I will be guest editing "Name Brit Brit's Fetus" over the next few days, as Hilary will be in CoMo. Join the Facebook group, check out the site, send us e-mails, etc. Please.
2. So, in anticipation of "Revenge of The Sith," some of us nerds at the newsroom have been watching the original trilogy. This is nerdy, yes, but it was actually an excuse for someone to break in his new 51-inch screen TV. Well, this past week was "Return of the Jedi" and we found that Lucas tinkered with the ending for the release of the DVDs. In the end, Luke sees the ghosts of Yoda, Ben and Anakin. In the original ending, the ghost of Anakin was played by the actor who played him at the end of "Jedi." In the new ending the ghost is... Hayden Christensen. I KNOW.
3. Only two more episodes of the season for "Desperate Housewives."
4. "Scotty Too Much Body" is now off "American Idol." Only four remain. Ruskie, your ass is next.
5. I really don't have too much cool stuff to report on these days, hence the TV and movies. I promise that when I get into more trouble, I will post all about it. Until then, all there is to mention is a bar adventure here and there or a joke a co-worker told me. Not bad, per se.
6. The beach is warm and the sun is out. You know you want to come visit.
1. I will be guest editing "Name Brit Brit's Fetus" over the next few days, as Hilary will be in CoMo. Join the Facebook group, check out the site, send us e-mails, etc. Please.
2. So, in anticipation of "Revenge of The Sith," some of us nerds at the newsroom have been watching the original trilogy. This is nerdy, yes, but it was actually an excuse for someone to break in his new 51-inch screen TV. Well, this past week was "Return of the Jedi" and we found that Lucas tinkered with the ending for the release of the DVDs. In the end, Luke sees the ghosts of Yoda, Ben and Anakin. In the original ending, the ghost of Anakin was played by the actor who played him at the end of "Jedi." In the new ending the ghost is... Hayden Christensen. I KNOW.
3. Only two more episodes of the season for "Desperate Housewives."
4. "Scotty Too Much Body" is now off "American Idol." Only four remain. Ruskie, your ass is next.
5. I really don't have too much cool stuff to report on these days, hence the TV and movies. I promise that when I get into more trouble, I will post all about it. Until then, all there is to mention is a bar adventure here and there or a joke a co-worker told me. Not bad, per se.
6. The beach is warm and the sun is out. You know you want to come visit.
Monday, May 02, 2005
So, apparently, Laura Bush and Lynn Cheney are fans of "Desperate Housewives." Laura even went so far as to say that she's a desperate housewife herself. I wonder which characters they identify with the most.
Is it Gabrielle, the woman whose husband lied and screwed over third world countries? Is it Bree, the woman who religiously idolizes Reagan and is ashamed to have a gay child? Is it Lynnette, the woman whose husband left the duties of raising the hellion children to the mother? Is it Susan, the woman who's in love with a shady former drug addict? Or, is it Mary Alice, the woman whose husband committed horrible acts and then spent the rest of his life trying to cover it up and justify why he did it?
Who knows.
So, I just watched last night's "Desperate Housewives" while eating ice cream and Papa John's, and I do say, I think I am in love.
This episode, I think, is my favorite one since the one where Edie threw Mrs. Huber's ashes on Susan. I loved all the great one- and two-liners.
Predictions:
By season's end, someone will die. I'm expecting battles/fights between John and Carlos, and/or between Mike and Paul, and/or between George and Rex, and/or Lynnette and Annabelle. Not sure who will die. Crazy son category could also provide the death, in which case it could be Zach, though Andrew could be our dark horse. Or maybe Julie could die in a weird unexpected way, too. Or maybe Susan's mom could die. Keep in mind that this show is produced by the same people who made "Melrose Place," and so deaths can happen as a result of weird, bizarre accidents. And these accidents don't necessarily have to happen to the characters with top billing. Remember when Mrs. Huber died? Of course you do. Then again, there was nothing accidental about her death. That bitch had it coming.
I wonder who Laura and Lynn think will die.
Who knows.
