Monday, October 25, 2004
Funny: Ashlee Simpson's "debacle"
Funnier: The gif linked to on Sarah's site
Funniest: The fact that this gif, linked to on Sarah's site, is titled ashleethetwat.gif
Love it. LOVE IT.
Anyone still reading this?
If you are reading this, then you are reading the 200th post. I'm not really sure what it MEANS, except that for 22 months, I've had enough Internet access to be able to rant on end about... everything.
Well, almost everything. I mean, sometimes a boy has to leave a bit to the imagination. I'm not going to post about everything.
"Well, that's not really what we do..."
Anyone who was a J-school student at MU and wasn't advertising probably is familiar with the university's PR news outlet. Granted, I've had a few friends who worked there, but still, it's a horrible place nothing short of Satanic.
Well, thing is, you have to go through them to get just about any piece of information for publication if the story is about Mizzou. You don't have to be a journalist to ascertain that this sucks big goat balls. Below will show not so much why they suck, but how much WE think they suck. Enjoy.
From: M*get
To: CB, PR Stickler
Hello! This is Courtney M*get. I worked with you quite a lot Fall of 2003. I am currently working on getting some statistics for a VOX piece.
I have to pit a Columbia citizen vs. a college student and then decide who would win if they were to get into a fight.
Can you find out how many MU students are over the age of 40 or can you direct me to someone who would know? My deadline is Tuesday at noon.
Thanks
From: CB
To: M*get
Courtney,
I'm not thrilled about this choice for an article. MU has always been proud of our great relationship with the city. I know you might see this article as a "tongue-in-cheek" fun piece, but I would not agree with that assessment. If you would like to talk about this further, please feel free to call me.
From: Sonderperson
To: Pat
That's golden (CB) right there.
Other things (CB) is "not thrilled with" include...
- back waxing
- pre-marital sex
- contact lenses
- insubordinate women
- "fun"
From: Jackie
To: Pat et al
ha ha ha ... i'm betting he's afraid Ms. M*get would kick his ass... i got an idea ... since Basi invited Ms. M*get to call him & discuss it further ... i say she needs to e-mail him back and ruffle his feathers (or back hair) a little bit. it'll be fun .... she could be like, "yeah, but what about a death match between d@rwin hindm@n and a kappa kappa kappa pledge?"
"At least it's not Burlington, Iowa"
An NYC men's mag has deemed St. Louis a bad place for men to live. To boot, men there have a risk of strokes, which I guess is a reason to avoid St. Louis even more.
I'm going to take a sentiment of Mike Royko, but say it with less grace, and so my version will be: "Fuck those pompous pricks."
Sure, there's no Guggenheim Museum, there's bad fitness facilities, fat hoosiers and some pretty awful racial divides. I know, I know, I know. But there is something great about St. Louis, and it will be one of the key factors in moving back there in 15 to 20 years.
That reason? It's only The Cardinals, who as Sonderperson said "just wiped their scrotums on the Houston Astros, which is outstanding."
It's as if I'm 6 again, which is how old I was last time they were in the series. Back then, I was in kindergarten with O.J. Smith, whose dad was Ozzie Smith, the Cardinals' shortstop. At O.J.'s birthday parties, we'd fall over each other in roller skates while the Cardinals would sign balls for our dads. It was always pretty fun.
And this could be one of the last chances Stan the Man could see the Cardinals get back in the series. He's not on his deathbed, but he's no spring chicken.
Still, he will go down as the greatest Cardinal ever. And not because of his game, but because of his character and sense of decency. That, and his final game was the game at which my parents met, on a double date, on Sept. 29, 1963. Two years ago, the final game of the season was also on Sun., Sept. 29, so Mom and Dad got four tickets and sent me, Brian, John and Kerry to the game. That day at Mass, Mom was bragging that it was the 39th anniversary that she and Dad met, so they were sending their kids to the "scene of the crime," as it were. Someone at Mass teased my Dad, saying, "I bet he doesn't even remember that, does he?" Well, Dad pulls out his wallet, and from behind a picture of my brother Dan, he pulls out a faded ticket to Sportsman's Park, dated Sept. 29, 1963. And who should drive by in the church parking lot and honk, but Stan the Man himself, who's a member of the parish.
So, even though I'm 900 miles from home, a home recently badmouthed by some Interpol-listening New Yorkers, I am content with being from the Lou. Damn proud, actually.
Moving on...
"The way we conversated..."
In this, the 200th post, I felt the need to pay homage to the "band" perhaps responsible for more White Boy Dance Parties, sing-alongs, dance-offs, late-night conversations, FARC visits and what-have-you than any other band: SoulDecision.
Yes, yes, I do mean the Canadian boy band, whose song "Faded" was one of the best songs to sing when drunk in the dorms. Or walking around campus when drunk. They used to play it in Eva J's, and so Ashley and I would sing it, much to the dismay of KT and Jen. It ended up being the "conch" song of sorts for me, Jake and Rachel, which is fine, because they are much cooler than Ashley and/or Jen were any day.
Jake: I'll have you know that Pat is the reason that I know all the words to SoulDecision, "Baby Got Back" and "The Humpty Dance."
Chip: Uh, sure, Jake.
Dogtown: It's okay, Jake. We all have our skeletons in the closet.
-----
The night I met some kU students for the first time, we were hanging out after a play and "Faded" was playing.
Beth: This is the perfect "friends with benefits" song.
Pat: It is? But, uh, aren't you, uh, in Campus Crusade?
Beth: Yup!
Pat: For Christ?
-----
Pat: (singing "Faded") When I get you all alone...
Fiscus: HA! I love that song!
Pat: As you should.
Fiscus: I always thought it was odd that he said, "At the end of the night, when I make up your mind, you'll be coming on home with me." I mean, what the fuck is that?
Pat: Listen, bitch, there's something you need to know, and that's that at the end of the night, when I make up your mind, you'll be coming on home with me. And when you do, I expect you to be a good woman, clean the house and make me a pie.
Fiscus: Yeah, that's not going to happen.
Pat: Uh, for multiple reasons. I mean, like, for one, I'm the type of guy who knows all the words to "Faded." Is that really a guy you could go home with?
-----
And lest we forget "Oooh, It's Kinda Crazy," SoulDecision's other hit...
Pat: Jake, will you help me heal the pain in my eyes?
Rachel: I always thought he said "ass," not "eyes.
Pat: Oh, OK. Jake, will you help me heal the pain in my ass?
Jake: Please don't ever say that to me. Ever again.
-----
Jake: Pat's sick of plastic people wasting his time, Rachel.
Pat: Is that why the two of you were playing with action figures when I came in the room?
Reason #81781 why I won't post about everything...
My dear friend, Little O'Hara, had a job prospect at a copy desk at a well-known paper, but it didn't turn out the way he wanted it to, as this paper Googled its potential employees.
Copy desk chief: Well, Mr. O'Hara, your scores are off the charts.
Little O'Hara: Really, sir?
Copy desk chief: Yes. You wrote good headlines, condensed poorly written sentences, raised good ethical issues. We want to offer you the job.
Little O'Hara: Wow! I-
Copy desk chief: Unfortunately, we won't be doing that.
Little O'Hara: Eh?
Copy desk chief: We Googled you, Mr. O'Hara, and we're a bit disturbed by what we saw.
Little O'Hara: Uh oh.
Copy desk chief: We found that a Ms. Joan Jones who sat next to you in editing class has a blog and she mentioned you by name.
Little O'Hara: She did?
Copy desk chief: She did. And do you know what she said about you, Mr. O'Hara?
Little O'Hara: No clue.
Copy desk chief: She said that you were a good person who helped her learn the ropes, when everyone else just did his or her own work.
Little O'Hara: She did?
Copy desk chief: But she said "their" rather than "his or her." I don't like that someone who says she owes her editing prowess to you can't form a correct sentence.
Little O'Hara: Huh?
Copy desk chief: Do you know a Glen Morgan?
Little O'Hara: I'm not sure. It might be familiar.
Copy desk chief: Well, on January 12, 1997, he wrote on his Geocities site that you were his lab partner and that you were too slow dissecting your pig for the group assignment.
Little O'Hara: Huh?
Copy desk chief: He also used poor grammar and his site was full of vulgarities.
Little O'Hara: What?
Copy desk chief: I don't know if I want to hire someone whose friend is so vulgar.
Little O'Hara: He's not my friend! I don't even remember him!
Copy desk chief: I'm sorry, Mr. O'Hara, but I don't think this will work out.
Let's just hope that no one looking to hire O'Hara or any of MY friends will find MY site after Googling potential employees.
"But for the next few years, she'd be known as the mother of the boys who painted Tiffany Axelrod*** blue."
- "Desperate Housewives"
Like this show. It's fun, it's quirky, it's all the things "Melrose" should have been in season one. Charles Pratt has wasted no time in making an edgy and cynical show instead of doing something too bland and "white." It's the week after the fourth episode, but there's already fireworks.
Thing is, the characters piss me off. So bad. I can only think of a few I like. Janelle says she loves them all, as some of them she loves to hate. I like those characters, too, but I can't really relate to any of them, and I can only sympathize with a few. I wish Susan (Teri Hatcher's character) would hook up with "the plumber" already, though we know he's not really a plumber. I mean, come on! I'm glad that Edie (Nicolette) finally acknowledged she hates Susan and in doing so, acknowledged she's interested in Mike ("the plumber," who isn't REALLY a plumber). I mean, you knew it all along, but it's good to get her more in the mix. And Mrs. Huber! What a bitch!
See, because of these plots, very few of them are likable to me. They are all douchebags who need to pass the sugar. I guess it's a lot like "Sisters," but even then, I liked Teddy. I mean, an alcoholic who shoots up her dad's funeral? And gets to marry both George Clooney AND the dad from "Seventh Heaven"? I mean, come on.
Oh, I guess the thing I've revealed more than anything is that I'm a sucker for chick TV. And not just any chick TV. No, I more or less thought "Friends" sucked and I say "A Wedding Story" is shit, too. And I've never even seen "Gilmore Girls." No, my addiction is to the shit aimed at single women (or soccer moms) no younger than 35.
***NOTE TO ROB: I think it should be OK that I spelt out “Tiffany Axelrod,” as she is a fictitious character. Like R*n*ld McD*n*ld.
And that's a wrap on post 200. Let's hope Erica taped it, as she's, you know, on her blogging hiatus. Feel free to start a pool with me and whoever guesses the right day on when she cracks, that person gets the money.
Funnier: The gif linked to on Sarah's site
Funniest: The fact that this gif, linked to on Sarah's site, is titled ashleethetwat.gif
Love it. LOVE IT.
If you are reading this, then you are reading the 200th post. I'm not really sure what it MEANS, except that for 22 months, I've had enough Internet access to be able to rant on end about... everything.
Well, almost everything. I mean, sometimes a boy has to leave a bit to the imagination. I'm not going to post about everything.
Anyone who was a J-school student at MU and wasn't advertising probably is familiar with the university's PR news outlet. Granted, I've had a few friends who worked there, but still, it's a horrible place nothing short of Satanic.
Well, thing is, you have to go through them to get just about any piece of information for publication if the story is about Mizzou. You don't have to be a journalist to ascertain that this sucks big goat balls. Below will show not so much why they suck, but how much WE think they suck. Enjoy.
From: M*get
To: CB, PR Stickler
Hello! This is Courtney M*get. I worked with you quite a lot Fall of 2003. I am currently working on getting some statistics for a VOX piece.
I have to pit a Columbia citizen vs. a college student and then decide who would win if they were to get into a fight.
Can you find out how many MU students are over the age of 40 or can you direct me to someone who would know? My deadline is Tuesday at noon.
Thanks
From: CB
To: M*get
Courtney,
I'm not thrilled about this choice for an article. MU has always been proud of our great relationship with the city. I know you might see this article as a "tongue-in-cheek" fun piece, but I would not agree with that assessment. If you would like to talk about this further, please feel free to call me.
From: Sonderperson
To: Pat
That's golden (CB) right there.
Other things (CB) is "not thrilled with" include...
- back waxing
- pre-marital sex
- contact lenses
- insubordinate women
- "fun"
From: Jackie
To: Pat et al
ha ha ha ... i'm betting he's afraid Ms. M*get would kick his ass... i got an idea ... since Basi invited Ms. M*get to call him & discuss it further ... i say she needs to e-mail him back and ruffle his feathers (or back hair) a little bit. it'll be fun .... she could be like, "yeah, but what about a death match between d@rwin hindm@n and a kappa kappa kappa pledge?"
An NYC men's mag has deemed St. Louis a bad place for men to live. To boot, men there have a risk of strokes, which I guess is a reason to avoid St. Louis even more.
I'm going to take a sentiment of Mike Royko, but say it with less grace, and so my version will be: "Fuck those pompous pricks."
Sure, there's no Guggenheim Museum, there's bad fitness facilities, fat hoosiers and some pretty awful racial divides. I know, I know, I know. But there is something great about St. Louis, and it will be one of the key factors in moving back there in 15 to 20 years.
That reason? It's only The Cardinals, who as Sonderperson said "just wiped their scrotums on the Houston Astros, which is outstanding."
It's as if I'm 6 again, which is how old I was last time they were in the series. Back then, I was in kindergarten with O.J. Smith, whose dad was Ozzie Smith, the Cardinals' shortstop. At O.J.'s birthday parties, we'd fall over each other in roller skates while the Cardinals would sign balls for our dads. It was always pretty fun.
And this could be one of the last chances Stan the Man could see the Cardinals get back in the series. He's not on his deathbed, but he's no spring chicken.
Still, he will go down as the greatest Cardinal ever. And not because of his game, but because of his character and sense of decency. That, and his final game was the game at which my parents met, on a double date, on Sept. 29, 1963. Two years ago, the final game of the season was also on Sun., Sept. 29, so Mom and Dad got four tickets and sent me, Brian, John and Kerry to the game. That day at Mass, Mom was bragging that it was the 39th anniversary that she and Dad met, so they were sending their kids to the "scene of the crime," as it were. Someone at Mass teased my Dad, saying, "I bet he doesn't even remember that, does he?" Well, Dad pulls out his wallet, and from behind a picture of my brother Dan, he pulls out a faded ticket to Sportsman's Park, dated Sept. 29, 1963. And who should drive by in the church parking lot and honk, but Stan the Man himself, who's a member of the parish.
So, even though I'm 900 miles from home, a home recently badmouthed by some Interpol-listening New Yorkers, I am content with being from the Lou. Damn proud, actually.
Moving on...
In this, the 200th post, I felt the need to pay homage to the "band" perhaps responsible for more White Boy Dance Parties, sing-alongs, dance-offs, late-night conversations, FARC visits and what-have-you than any other band: SoulDecision.
Yes, yes, I do mean the Canadian boy band, whose song "Faded" was one of the best songs to sing when drunk in the dorms. Or walking around campus when drunk. They used to play it in Eva J's, and so Ashley and I would sing it, much to the dismay of KT and Jen. It ended up being the "conch" song of sorts for me, Jake and Rachel, which is fine, because they are much cooler than Ashley and/or Jen were any day.
Jake: I'll have you know that Pat is the reason that I know all the words to SoulDecision, "Baby Got Back" and "The Humpty Dance."
Chip: Uh, sure, Jake.
Dogtown: It's okay, Jake. We all have our skeletons in the closet.
-----
The night I met some kU students for the first time, we were hanging out after a play and "Faded" was playing.
Beth: This is the perfect "friends with benefits" song.
Pat: It is? But, uh, aren't you, uh, in Campus Crusade?
Beth: Yup!
Pat: For Christ?
-----
Pat: (singing "Faded") When I get you all alone...
Fiscus: HA! I love that song!
Pat: As you should.
Fiscus: I always thought it was odd that he said, "At the end of the night, when I make up your mind, you'll be coming on home with me." I mean, what the fuck is that?
Pat: Listen, bitch, there's something you need to know, and that's that at the end of the night, when I make up your mind, you'll be coming on home with me. And when you do, I expect you to be a good woman, clean the house and make me a pie.
Fiscus: Yeah, that's not going to happen.
Pat: Uh, for multiple reasons. I mean, like, for one, I'm the type of guy who knows all the words to "Faded." Is that really a guy you could go home with?
-----
And lest we forget "Oooh, It's Kinda Crazy," SoulDecision's other hit...
Pat: Jake, will you help me heal the pain in my eyes?
Rachel: I always thought he said "ass," not "eyes.
Pat: Oh, OK. Jake, will you help me heal the pain in my ass?
Jake: Please don't ever say that to me. Ever again.
-----
Jake: Pat's sick of plastic people wasting his time, Rachel.
Pat: Is that why the two of you were playing with action figures when I came in the room?
My dear friend, Little O'Hara, had a job prospect at a copy desk at a well-known paper, but it didn't turn out the way he wanted it to, as this paper Googled its potential employees.
Copy desk chief: Well, Mr. O'Hara, your scores are off the charts.
Little O'Hara: Really, sir?
Copy desk chief: Yes. You wrote good headlines, condensed poorly written sentences, raised good ethical issues. We want to offer you the job.
Little O'Hara: Wow! I-
Copy desk chief: Unfortunately, we won't be doing that.
Little O'Hara: Eh?
Copy desk chief: We Googled you, Mr. O'Hara, and we're a bit disturbed by what we saw.
Little O'Hara: Uh oh.
Copy desk chief: We found that a Ms. Joan Jones who sat next to you in editing class has a blog and she mentioned you by name.
Little O'Hara: She did?
Copy desk chief: She did. And do you know what she said about you, Mr. O'Hara?
Little O'Hara: No clue.
Copy desk chief: She said that you were a good person who helped her learn the ropes, when everyone else just did his or her own work.
Little O'Hara: She did?
Copy desk chief: But she said "their" rather than "his or her." I don't like that someone who says she owes her editing prowess to you can't form a correct sentence.
Little O'Hara: Huh?
Copy desk chief: Do you know a Glen Morgan?
Little O'Hara: I'm not sure. It might be familiar.
Copy desk chief: Well, on January 12, 1997, he wrote on his Geocities site that you were his lab partner and that you were too slow dissecting your pig for the group assignment.
Little O'Hara: Huh?
Copy desk chief: He also used poor grammar and his site was full of vulgarities.
Little O'Hara: What?
Copy desk chief: I don't know if I want to hire someone whose friend is so vulgar.
Little O'Hara: He's not my friend! I don't even remember him!
Copy desk chief: I'm sorry, Mr. O'Hara, but I don't think this will work out.
Let's just hope that no one looking to hire O'Hara or any of MY friends will find MY site after Googling potential employees.
- "Desperate Housewives"
Like this show. It's fun, it's quirky, it's all the things "Melrose" should have been in season one. Charles Pratt has wasted no time in making an edgy and cynical show instead of doing something too bland and "white." It's the week after the fourth episode, but there's already fireworks.
Thing is, the characters piss me off. So bad. I can only think of a few I like. Janelle says she loves them all, as some of them she loves to hate. I like those characters, too, but I can't really relate to any of them, and I can only sympathize with a few. I wish Susan (Teri Hatcher's character) would hook up with "the plumber" already, though we know he's not really a plumber. I mean, come on! I'm glad that Edie (Nicolette) finally acknowledged she hates Susan and in doing so, acknowledged she's interested in Mike ("the plumber," who isn't REALLY a plumber). I mean, you knew it all along, but it's good to get her more in the mix. And Mrs. Huber! What a bitch!
See, because of these plots, very few of them are likable to me. They are all douchebags who need to pass the sugar. I guess it's a lot like "Sisters," but even then, I liked Teddy. I mean, an alcoholic who shoots up her dad's funeral? And gets to marry both George Clooney AND the dad from "Seventh Heaven"? I mean, come on.
Oh, I guess the thing I've revealed more than anything is that I'm a sucker for chick TV. And not just any chick TV. No, I more or less thought "Friends" sucked and I say "A Wedding Story" is shit, too. And I've never even seen "Gilmore Girls." No, my addiction is to the shit aimed at single women (or soccer moms) no younger than 35.
***NOTE TO ROB: I think it should be OK that I spelt out “Tiffany Axelrod,” as she is a fictitious character. Like R*n*ld McD*n*ld.
And that's a wrap on post 200. Let's hope Erica taped it, as she's, you know, on her blogging hiatus. Feel free to start a pool with me and whoever guesses the right day on when she cracks, that person gets the money.
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
My friend wrote this about one of her friends, and I think it's appropriate for how I felt a few weeks ago.
See, as many of you have probably figured out, I've gotten kinda shitty at e-mail correspondance. Phone calls weren't always my strong suit, but e-mail was my thing. Sarah and I used to joke as to how we were commandos with e-mailing. We could have the best game of e-mail tag, because we'd get up to 10 a week, which those of you majoring in math will know is more than one per day.
I'm still getting used to working nights, and trying to have a day outside of that. I can't go to sleep when I get home from work, so it can be 3 or 4 before I go to bed, and then I wake up around 11 or noon and then I have to work at 2. The cycle then continues. Rinse, lather, repeat.
I'm getting better with all that, but still, I don't really get to e-mail or talk on the phone as much as I'd like, meaning that it's harder and harder to stay in touch with people. I'm not trying to justify it, because, still, it is shitty, and I should make a better effort to stay in contact with people if I'm going to say I care about them. However, just because I don't talk with you every day doesn't mean I don't think about you often.
I kinda like that I'm in my own place and that I'm getting to experience it without any previous baggage. It allows this to be my place and now I've been here long enough that I'm able to share it. I like that as we get older we can get wrapped up
in new places and get to share. I just want to have the chance to TALK to about the new city and this new place. Getting the balance right can be tough, but hey, that's also what makes this stage of things fun.
I think my friend JJ put it best when she said that she misses not having to explain her back story. I'm getting to that point with some of the people here.
I think the thing that made me crave people with whom I have a history is that I needed an outlet for all the thoughts and issues on my mind. For this to be a successful venting session, it would have to be with people with whom I don't have to have put qualifying clauses in each sentence. And you and I both know how I need a good venting when I need one. I'm fine about something after I've been able to just cut loose and let it all out.
Luckily, I've getting closer with people here, and when I really need someone with whom I have to do zilch explaining, I can go to Savannah to see my brother, as I did this weekend.
It was great. Not only was it great to see Brian and Wendy, it was great to be in a city with an actual downtown. You know, with a history, and a history district. With coffee houses and places close enough that you can walk to them. The thing about Murder Beach is that it's one giant suburb that evolved around the beach, so it's not as though there's any history to it. The oldest places here are from the 1950s, and the architecture is not even on the high brow of things, but rather, the Ripley's "Believe It Or Not" Museum. Yeah, I know: yuck.
And there's a big black queen, made famous by "Midnight In The Garden of Good And Evil." I've not read the book (yet, it's on my list), nor have I seen the movie, but honey, I do know the Lady Chablis. Next time I go down there, Brian, Wendy and I will go see the Mistress, as they call her.
*Unexpected packages in the mail.
*Talking like a pirate.
*Qualifying for free coffee.
*Vinnie Van GoGo's Pizza, perhaps the best pizza in this not-good-at-pizza South.
*LaunchCast Plus.
*Hilary and Erin.
*E-mail tag with Protz and Jill.
*Using the term "what's-her-nuts" instead of "what's-her-name" or "what's-her-face."
*Happy Hour seven days a week.
*Getting discounts for being a local.
*Having fun at work.
*Getting calls from M*get.
*Blogs, er, no, make that livejournals that can creatively work "douche" into every post.
*Trash TV: "Best Week Ever," "Desperate Housewives," "The Real World."
*Smart TV: "Good Eats" with Alton Brown.
*Home-made salsa.
*"Acquiesce" by Oasis.
